Well, well, well. I guess those of us that survived the first year of college are back for round two. For me that means more time consuming papers, work, classes, and practicing that has created a sky high tower of torture at the Juilliard School. Though I highly doubt I’ll be able to increase my IQ that is buried miles below ground, I think this year is worth the time to develop my EQ. That reminds me…just a week ago my parents were having an interesting conversation in the car: Dad: [to me] So your brother seems to be someone that has a really high IQ, but low EQ. Mom: What’s EQ? Dad: [thinks] I don’t know. [thirty seconds pass] Mom: What’s EQ? Dad: I don’t know. [thirty more seconds pass] Mom: What’s EQ? Dad: I don’t know. It’s like you’re asking me who laid this piece of shit, but all I can tell you is that is that it’s a piece of shit. It’s also like you want to ask me how bad this piece of shit smells, but all I can tell you is that it’s a piece of shit, and that it probably smells like shit, too. So I think I’ve inherited my dad’s sarcastic personality…anyway, these days when I come back from college/some summer music festival, its becoming more and more difficult to find old friends to hang out with. It’s hard to begin with because people are working and/or still in school, but then I find out they already have boyfriends/girlfriends. This makes me ask myself…am I doing the right thing, or have I simply forgotten about what’s important in life? I always believed that it was okay not to be in a relationship with somebody because I felt I didn’t have the time for it. Unfortunately, I’m starting to see signs that “not having the time for it” is becoming a lame excuse. Being loved by other people is okay, but not being able to return the love back seems to create a conundrum for me. Maybe that’s why I’ve turned completely cold-hearted in almost every emotional situation that hits me. I’m not saying that I need a relationship to stabilize my life, but I think that I need to express myself better in order for others around me to understand that I appreciate what they’re offering me. I guess this is probably why people always ask me “what’s wrong?” or “why do you seem so sad?” Its not that I am bothered by something or don’t feel happy, but I just don’t have a reason to be motivated for being content with my life. Though I do think I still need to further my practicing and studying in school, my EQ continues to drop into this deep abyss with no bottom in sight. Hopefully I can do better this year academically and emotionally, but we’ll have to see. It’s just something I have to work on. | 
